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Tips & Tricks :: Strategies for Working With Students Who Self-Injure

Self Injury Awareness

Last week, I talked about several myths surrounding self-injury. This week, I want to follow that up with some information about some of the warning signs of self-injury, as well as what you can help students who self-injure.


Warning Signs of Possible Self-Injury

  • Self-Injury Interventions & SupportsUnexplained wounds or scars from cuts, bruises, or burns. Scars are most often seen on the wrists or arms, but can be in other locations as well.
  • Frequent “accidents.” Someone who self-harms may claim to be clumsy or have many mishaps, in order to explain away injuries.
  • Covering up. A person who self-injures may insist on wearing long sleeves or long pants, even in hot weather.
  • Needing to be alone for long periods of time, especially in the bedroom or bathroom.
  • Isolation and irritability.
  • Pervasive difficulties in interpersonal relationships
  • Persistent questions about personal identity, such as “Who am I?” “What am I doing here?”
  • Behavioral and emotional instability, impulsivity and unpredictability
  • Statements of helplessness, hopelessness or worthlessness

Starting the Conversation

Talking to a student who you believe to be self-injuring may feel very uncomfortable for one of both of you. Many students compare it to the process of “coming out.” Sometimes, a teacher notices some of the warning signs above and asks me to talk to the student. If I have a relationship with them already, it can still feel difficult. However, if I don’t know the student, the conversation can be VERY awkward. “So…yeah…uh, so you don’t know me at all, but tell me about your injuries.” This is why when possible, I prefer to have the teacher or another adult the student trusts breach the topic and then come talk to me with the student. Sometimes, bringing up self-injury can make a student feel the need to be defensive or make excuses if they don’t feel comfortable with the adult talking to them. I want to avoid that as much as possible!

Here are some conversation starters I’ve found to be helpful before. This list is in no way exhaustive and may not be beneficial for every student. Use your professional judgement!

– I’ve noticed __________________. Can you tell me about that?
– Your teacher has noticed _______________. Can you tell me about that?
– Do you want to change your self-injury behaviors? We can’t force anyone to do anything. We can only provide they help that they want and make sure that they are safe.
– How can I help you with your self-injury?
– Sometimes people have things happen to them in life that are really difficult to deal with and hurt themselves to try to cope. Has that ever happened to you before?

Strategies and Interventions

  • Self-Injury Interventions and SupportsListen and affirm. After a student discloses self-injury, listen. Admitting self-injury takes a great deal of courage and risk on the part of the student. Acknowledge this courage in asking for help and reaffirm their worth as a person. Make sure to remind them that self-injuring does not have to define them. But most importantly, validate the feelings they are experiencing.
  • Assess for suicidality. Although many people who self-injure are not suicidal, there is a link. Ask if they’ve thought about killing themselves and if they have a plan, but if they haven’t/don’t, don’t dwell on it. If they have/do, be sure to refer them to appropriate mental health services immediately. Confidentiality must be breached if you are concerned a student is a danger to themselves or someone else.
  • Less may be more. If a student does not want to talk about their self-injury, don’t force them. As a school employee, you have a professional responsibility to make sure they are safe, but you don’t need to find out everything about them and incident that happens. Refer them to a medical professional if you are concerned about current injuries, but be brief in your conversation if they don’t want to talk. If a student is not in immediate danger, give them some places they can find help if they need it and offer your support in the future.
  • Help the student to identify self-harm triggers. Many students who self-harm first seek information and help on the internet. Fortunately, there is a lot of good information available to students, including what self-injury is, how to talk to someone, and other more positive ways to deal with strong emotions. Unfortunately, there are also a lot of personal stories which may show pictures and delve into great detail regarding injuries people received and how they injured. This information can be intensely triggering for individuals who self-harm. Students should be made aware of good places online to get help, as well as the implications of viewing triggering information.
  • Teach coping skills for stress, anger, or sadness. Often, I have students make lists of alternative activities to self-injury, stress-relieving activities, or distractions they can use if they feel as though they need to self-injure. Many of my students who self-injure choose to use coping strategies such as journaling, drawing, or listening to music. However, one size does not fit all. Have your student determine what they think will work for them.
  • Identify external supports for the student outside of school. More than likely, triggers to self-harm probably occur after school hours. So as much as you’d love to be able to have the student come talk to you when they feel as though they need to self-injure, it not practical. It’s also better for the student to find support in their life outside of school for when they move on to another school or graduate. Their friends and family will be with them a lot longer than you probably will. Depending on the age of the student and your state/district regulations, you may be required to notify a student’s parent. Sometimes I help students write letters to their parents, or call them on the phone. Ultimately, you should encourage the student to communicate with others in whatever way is most comfortable for them.
  • Encourage the student to keep a record of certain emotions or behaviors that led to them wanting to self-harm, as well as what they did instead. You can use a free impulse control log here. Keeping track allows students to better see patterns that emerge, and can provide a good starting point for you or another counselor to help them address their antecedents to self-harm.
  • Refer to community resources. Most of the time, I unfortunately don’t have the resources available to address issues of self-harm exclusively in the school setting. 30 minutes once a week (minus days off of school, meeting days, field trips, standardized testing, etc.) is just not enough to meet the needs of my students who self-injure. As a result, I often recommend they receiving counseling outside of the school setting. Follow your school guidelines as far as referrals are concerned, but be prepared for the fact that the needs of those who self-injury often go beyond the resources that are available in the school setting.

Self-Injury HelpNeed help?

If you self-injure and need help, but don’t knowwhere to turn, call the S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line in the U.S. at (800) 366-8288 for referrals and support for cutting and self-harm. For a suicide helpline outside the U.S., visit Befrienders Worldwide.

In the middle of a crisis?

If you’re feeling suicidal and need help right now, call 9-1-1 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline in the U.S. at (800) 273-8255.

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Tips & Tricks :: Gold Tag Behavior Management Plan

Behavior Management System

If you’ve been around here for awhile, you may know that I really really dislike behavior clip charts. I know I know…please don’t hurt me!

Yes, they’re super easy for teachers, but I honestly cannot tell you how many times I’ve gone down to a classroom to check out a student at the end of the day and other students rush to the door to tell me how many times my student had to “clip down” or “change their color.” And while I always remind students that how other students do is none of their business, it brings up the essence of why I dislike clip charts so much! It’s PUBLIC!

Sure…you put numbers instead of names, hide the chart behind some books on your chalk ledge, or whisper to a student to change their color. Anyone who’s been in a classroom knows every kid in the class knows which clip belongs to who, and what color everyone is on! Maybe it’s not known to the average visitor to the room, but it’s FAR from private.

As I’ve mentioned before, if every single one of my indiscretions for the day was put someplace all my coworkers could see, there would be some serious issues!

I’m always looking for alternatives to clip charts to help teachers out – especially ones that are just a low maintenance. So you can imagine my excitement when I came across A Teeny Tiny Teacher’s Gold Tag system. I especially love how she doesn’t use her “tickets” in the typical “ticket” way. So creative!!

Behavior Management System

Behavior Management System

Note: All the images in this post are from A Teeny Tiny Teacher!

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Tips & Tricks :: 8 Easy Ways to Make Mondays Better

Making Mondays BetterLet’s face it. Mondays are probably most people’s least favorite day of the week. I’ve never really LOVED Mondays even before I had a “real job,” but after working in schools, I can safely say that Mondays can feel like the.absolute.worst. I mean, you’re jolted awake before you’re ready to face the world by some type of alarm, the students are grumpy, you’re rushing around to the copier to try to get all your lessons set for the week…only to find 4 people ahead of you wiping out every tree on earth copying 450-page packets for their own 30 students.  Sigh. It’s just really the worst. So this week, I set out on a mission to try to make my Monday less bad. I wasn’t expecting a 10/10 day – I was even willing to accept 6/10. As I went through the day, I tried to think of all the things I could do to make it slightly better. Sure. I didn’t end the day skipping down the halls singing the Sound of Music or anything, but I definitely noticed my own attitude was much better!

Make Mondays Better1. Make your bed

I’m going to be honest. If I had all the money in the world, I would pay someone to do this for me. It’s one of my favorite parts of staying in a hotel, but I really dislike doing it myself! However, a few months ago, I read this advice for living from a Navy Seal and it changed my perspective on this hated chore. So, last Monday I made myself take the 3 minutes it actually takes and did it. Naval Adm. William McRaven explains:

“If you make your bed every morning you will have accomplished the first task of the day. It will give you a small sense of pride and it will encourage you to do another task and another and another. By the end of the day, that one task completed will have turned into many tasks completed…And, if by chance you have a miserable day, you will come home to a bed that is made—that you made—and a made bed gives you encouragement that tomorrow will be better.”

2. Say a genuine hello to the first person you seeMake Mondays Better

Whether it’s a gas station attendant, school custodian, or that teacher next door who complains incessantly about anything any everything, say hi! Even if you’re not sure you have anything in common with them, I guarantee they don’t like Monday mornings either, so that’s something! Ask about their weekend, give a smile, let them know it’s nice to see them. I guarantee greeting someone with a smile will make you feel better.

3. Do as much as you can Sunday

My mom’s really going to love this one! Before going to bed on Sunday, I make sure my clothes are laid out, my breakfast/lunch is ready to go, and I’m showered. Now, I know many people aren’t a fan of the night shower, so an early morning Monday shower may be a necessity. However, everyone can save themselves the agony of standing bleary-eyed in their closet laying out exactly 4,523 outfit combinations and wondering why the heck you didn’t go buy that new pair of pants you had planned to get over the weekend. So instead, you think to yourself, “I’ll have to swing by the store on the way home and get those. I literally have nothing to wear.” Congratulations, you’ve already added an item to your to-do list. Moral of the story, just lay the darn outfit out the night before! By doing as much as I can Sunday night instead of Monday morning, I save myself a good hour in the morning and have perfected the “wake up, feed baby, make bed, dress/makeup/teeth, and get out of the house routine” to 40 minutes. I’ll take the extra hour of sleep!

4. Leave yourself a note

I first started doing this before long breaks from school because I knew I’d be in a grumpy mood after coming back from 2 weeks of Winter Break or a week of Spring Break. I’ve since extended it to Mondays too! Before leaving work on Friday, I leave myself a post-it note. Somedays it’s an inspirational quote or mini pep-talk. Other times it’s a list of 5 things I’m thankful for in my life. A few days, all I’ve been able to manage is a quickly-drawn smiley face before I rush home. But, regardless of how grumpy I am when I get to my room, something positive always greets me on Monday morning. Maybe you could get a few co-workers to go in with you and leave positive notes in each other’s mailboxes!

5. Take it one day at a timeFriday

One of the things that makes me feel grumpy about Mondays is realizing there are 5 WHOLE DAYS separating me from the weekend. Then I start thinking about the group I still haven’t planned for on Tuesday, that stressful meeting I have on Wednesday, the paperwork that’s due Thursday and my head is spinning a mile a minute before I even get to my desk. Instead, this week I made the intentional effort to take things one day at a time. Monday things first. When I get past the immediate needs, then I can look to the future, but only then.

6. Save something special

This week, I made a playlist of the music I’ve been playing in the car recently on my 45-minute commute. Instead of listening to it Tuesday-Friday, I saved it for Monday only. Then, the remaining days I did other things (listened to the radio, called a friend on bluetooth, listened to an audiobook, etc.) Sunday night, I started thinking about how excited I was to have my music back again on Monday instead of how much I was dreading driving to work in the dark! You could also try to do this with other things too like going out for lunch, eating a favorite food for breakfast, recording your favorite TV shows to watch Monday night. You get the idea. Make Mondays a splurge day!

7. Slow Cooker mealsSlow Cooker Honey Garlic Chicken

There are literally 100,000,000 recipes out there for slow cooker meals. After adjusting back to a chaotic week after a relaxing weekend, the last thing you’ll want to do after work when you get home is cook. Instead, grab a freezer bag you’ve pre-filled will all the ingredients during a more ambitious day and dump it into the crockpot before heading out on the day. Delicious aromas will greet you when you return home…..mmmmmmm. Dishes are also a breeze!

Family8. Perspective

So, I don’t want to be morbid, but the average human being only gets around 3,500 Mondays in their life. And while that may sound like a lot at first, by the time you’re 20, 1040 of them are already gone. So, assuming most of us are 30-50 years old, we have probably around 2000 of them left. I don’t want to be sitting at the end with my life facing the fact that I complained about my day 1/7th of the time. I’d much rather know I spent my days getting out there, finding SOMETHING to be joyful about, and making the most out of that time. Whether I feel like it right now or not, someday I’ll wish that I could come back to this day. I I don’t know whether it will be to revisit a friend I’ve lost touch with, or see a loved one who passed, or just to remember what it was like to feel “that young.” Someday I’ll want nothing more than to wake up to THIS DAY. I want to make it count!

How do YOU make your Mondays days worth getting up for?